The Thing about Hate

Today I am really tired after being up all night struggling with a death that was so unexpected. Yesterday was a day that I thought I would start anew. I have been going through a lot emotionally and struggling to keep my focus trained on what it needs to stay directed towards and the day before yesterday I just said enough. So I planned a movie excursion for yesterday, in the morning, and figured I would just start taking care of myself in that way. After the movie I bought a few items of clothing and had lunch with my sister: a good day. Once I got home and checked email and whatnot I found the TMZ report that Michael was dead and it shocked me so much I was dizzy. It took hours for the major news outlets to report that he was dead; though they made it clear he was going to die. But I know you know all this.

After the “is he or isn’t he” debate that lasted those hours and the subsequent time spent trying to figure out if he died when TMZ said he was dead of after being in a coma like other outlets said I settled down to watch the coverage and try to come to grips with it – and to be honest it still hasn’t sunk it. Anyway, I was struck by the negative tone. So much was discussed about the charges and cases against him but not nearly as much about his musical and humanitarian/charitable legacy, the two things that stand out in mind about him. There was so much gossip, innuendo, conjecture, and speculation with very little fact additionally.

That hurt pretty bad, but later that night after a dance-off to various songs by him and the Jackson 5, my sister had the thought to log into Facebook and check out what “real people” had to say….and it went downhill from there. One of my cousins, like many other people on FB, put his mini-eulogy as a post to his wall and some female made the most hateful and unexpected comment. He responded and the two of them had a back-and-forth that took about ten or eleven comments to that point. My sister added her own comments to the fray and the woman responded and so forth. And that woman’s hate-filled diatribe made me think about hate.

Her first post stated he wasn’t going to heaven and his “character was horrible” and it struck me that hate always makes you cast the first stone, judge without remembering that you are opening yourself up to the same sort of judgment, and pushing your opinions on others. She also spoke of how awful it was that he was getting the attention Farrah Fawcett deserved as she had been an “angel” in life and deserved the praise.

Another thing about hate is that it will camouflage itself and convince even you that is something else entirely, and hate is often used to pretend like there is love for someone else. Another good example of that sort of hate is Ann Coulter claiming the doctor who was shot and killed was not murdered but “terminated” which disgusted me when I heard it, but didn’t shock me coming from her hateful mouth.

Though the woman initially said she disliked him so strongly because of the child molestation charges, she made several hateful comments which included whether his autopsy would say black or white and male or female. She continually attacked his race and never really said anything direct about the charges. I wondered then how many –isms and phobias she expressed with the black/white male/female comments and it made me think of another thing about hate. Hate is so often based on fear. Fear of what you don’t know, don’t understand, find strange, and makes you uncomfortable. Hate is birthed and nurtured in a fearful atmosphere.

She compared him, in a matter of minutes, to OJ Simpson and Saddam Hussein. No surprise with the first one, I’ve heard that many, many times, but the second one was a shock. I realized then, however, that hate blinds you to your common sense, makes you see patterns where none exist, and simply feeds itself by finding something else to drain more hate from. She used those names in order to illicit some extra support from someone and she was probably shocked when no one took the bait.

But when I looked at the whole situation, I ended up being mad at myself for taking the bait she originally dangled in front of my face. She brought up the First Amendment and the fact that she has black friends as reasons why she could say whatever she wanted and why her words couldn’t be mistaken for racism. Of course, racists holler the “I know black people” line as much as people who use words to spew hate and incite violence hide behind the Amendment and make a mockery of a right created in order to allow everyone to voice their opinion, not abuse it.

I also found it interesting that just days after Perez Hilton got punched for his hateful words (and went on crying and still saying the same hateful stuff, staying true to himself, I guess) that people would still claim ignorance that words HURT and can escalate a situation, incite violence, and any number of negative things. Unfortunately, nobody seems to have learned that lesson.

One way that I knew I was mature was when I learned when not to speak a word. Of course I was a really quiet child but as a teen I was under the misguided belief that people gave a crap about my convictions and opinions. And while I still have both convictions and opinions on damn near everything (as my one of two readers – and I flatter myself – undoubtedly know) but I realize most of the time no one cares to hear any of them so I keep them to myself.

At the end of the day, hate can never win. Like a Ponzi scheme it requires something. Like a fire it needs at least two things to feed it. Hate is so easy to extinguish. Perhaps later than we should have, my sister and I decided to let her continue talking without the benefit of someone actually listening. We gave her that present in the spirit of Michael Jackson and the sort of person he appeared to be in my, however and openly, biased opinion.

The thing about Michael Jackson, to me, was that he showed that a very flawed person can still make a positive impact on the world at large. I remember how corny but beautiful We are the World, Black or White, and Heal the World were. I remember that environmentalism wasn’t cool when he made Heal and Earth Song. I remember how deeply Man in the Mirror touched my spirit and how his songs could heal and invigorate. I also remember his humanitarian and charitable works. I remember how much he donated and did for children all across the world. I remember that he tried. When I think of Michael Jackson, these things will overshadow the negative, and I hope one day the same will be done for me. RIP.

Mixtape Madness Vol I

I’ve been listening to a lot of mixtapes lately, more than usual because I’ve come back to rap to an extent after leaving it alone with the exception of a small few. When I listened heavily to rap, mixtapes represented the best of the rap world. The quality was often up in the air and sometimes songs were obviously unfinished but some of the most vicious raps were found on mixtapes. They were also much more economical, being cheaper than studio albums, but the downside was some mixtapes were hard or impossible to find and you had to be able to get to the mixtape spot, which was often hard if you lived outside of the city and musical tastes that differed from the majority of the buyers in the area.

Having not listened to rap in so long, and definitely not listening to mixtapes, I’d forgotten about the ongoing argument about underground rappers. First, what makes a rapper “underground?” To me, an underground rapper is a rapper with no studio albums who makes music and releases it via mixtape exclusively. Some people would say someone who doesn’t sell well but has a good fan base. Others would say an artist with little or no airplay. Perhaps others would say that underground rappers are those with more mixtapes than studio albums. Of course, artists like Lil Wayne would automatically be considered underground by that definition.

Some rappers have albums that just don’t stand up to their mixtapes. Kanye West is a great example of this to me. His second album is almost un-listenable in my opinion. His last album I never bought because I just didn’t hear anything that made me want to own it. And yet I’m a HUGE Kanye West fan, because I have some great music by him from mixtapes. People sometimes think of grimier rappers as those who use mixtapes, but Kanye is a great example of a rapper who doesn’t fit the mixtape mold. Additionally, his abilities as a producer meant/means that he never had to compromise quality or recycle beats in order to release his mixtapes. The original version of “Home” with John Legend will always be 200% times better than the one with Chris Martin, even though I love Coldplay. And the mixtape version “Hey Mama” sounds so much more polished than the studio version.

Some other “mainstream” rappers with really good mixtape stuff, in my opinion, are Lupe Fiasco, Clipse, and Fabolous. I could actually make a much longer list, and perhaps I will, but I wanted to make sure I added the top three underrated mainstream rappers/groups with great mixtape stuff. Fab is such a great lyricist and when I first heard him on a mixtape I sincerely thought – and said – that he was the next Jay-Z. I’m still shocked he never reached that goal, but his studio stuff has been too pop, when he is a much grittier rapper!

I apologize for this post. I was working on another topic but time flew by and it still wasn’t ready so I had to type up something and I wanted to use this as a segue for a later music post. So stay tuned for that one, I’m going somewhere with this one. It’s also 3:33 am as I type this and I’m exhausted so I need to finish it and schedule it for later today. Remember this mixtape conversation, though (really!). I’m sticking to my guns and writing even in the middle of the night!

Update!

So I’ve been pretty good at finishing and posting blog entries lately but I know without proper direction I will eventually veer off. It has been interesting that the blog has been on my mind – and therefore more likely to be written – than stories for the collection, but when I thought about it I could understand why that is the case. In an effort to ensure that I continue to write entries, and post them, for the blog I am taking it in a new direction: simply, more focused.

The blog will continue with the Friday posts for the main “meat” of the whole concept. Friday posts will be the posts that I rant and make observations about news items and whatnot. I am going to play with a new idea, pretty much based on what I already wrote about and the sort of stuff I’m interested in. The Malcolm Shabazz post, the music review post, the “mud cookies” post (infamous in my own mind), and the “Seeing Sounds” post all represent the sorts of things I read/think/rant about. I figured I’d keep with that tradition and write about music, WTF news, inspiration/ inspirational issues, and religion/race matters. Each month there is enough news or interesting topics for any one of those topics.

For months with five Fridays, such as next month, I will write an extra “MissMaria’s bonus rant” or something to that effect which will cover anything I wanted to discuss but couldn’t easily categorize above or perhaps just had too many options for one category and decided to choose another one initially. That should give me incentive to write about different topics as I see fit and just squeeze them in when I can.

Finally, every other Wednesday (such as this one) there will be shorter posts to keep you updated on me/my life/the book(s)/my writing/etc and will include any information and/or updates about the blog. I hope this will provide a way to cover all my bases. I hope this too will be incentive for me to make sure I am doing something with my writing each week as I am a pretty private person as it relates to my personal life!

So, God willing, there will be weekly posts on Fridays and every other week on Wednesdays (I would say biweekly but I can’t remember if that is to mean once every two weeks or twice per week and the dictionary isn’t really helping on the point and “fortnightly” sounds too Shakespearian). All posts should be up at around noon to 1:00 pm. It will definitely be noon EST once I make sure of the time zone this site uses. I will hopefully find catchy names/titles for each category.

As an example of a given month, this month I have already done my WTF and inspiration posts. I have music and race matters to discuss. This Friday I will probably discuss music as I have some things on my mind about the topic. I will not have scheduled weeks for various topics. You will just have to visit and see what topic I choose to discuss that week! Hopefully this will give you incentive to come back every week!

Gotta Go, Gotta Go!

Be honest, have you ever peed in the shower? A couple of weeks ago I read this article about how dirty American women are and what is acceptable (and what’s not). One of the most common things, with 75% of women surveyed admitting to the act, was peeing in the shower and the authors of the article literally beg readers to take a whiz in the shower as often as possible, citing the amount of water it takes to flush a toilet and the harmless nature of urine as reasons why readers should. Additionally, the article briefly discusses urine therapy, the idea that urine can help many skin issues. I remember watching a program like Good Morning America years ago in which a professional talks about the wonders of washing ones face with the “first urine of the day” which frankly disgusted me, though I knew then that urine is basically sterile.

But, to answer the question I asked of you, I most definitely pee in the shower. I’m not the sort of person who would pee in the pool but I have always peed in the shower. I think psychologically a few things occur; the water makes me feel like I have to go, peeing standing up is liberating as a woman, and it’s an interesting feeling perceptually. I am a huge fan of sharing showers with a spouse/partner because of the non-sexual intimacy, the water preservation, and the utility of having someone on back-washing duty but I have found that not everyone shares my love of the shower-shower (did you get that one?). One of my exes was so against the idea that I would stand there uncomfortably, trying to wash quickly in order to use the bathroom. The first BF I took showers with however was all for the usefulness of such an idea, and was relieved (tee-hee) that I did the same. Common courtesy requires you announce your attentions, move to the front of the shower if you are in the back, and make sure you hit the ground and not your partner (though this rule is more for the men).

Some of the other questions asked were “do you take daily showers,” “do you wash your hands after using the bathroom every time,” “do you wear dirty clothes over again,” and “do you brush your teeth daily?” It was interesting to see the percentages of responses either way and to test my own upbringing and therefore my own practices with those. Another good question that was not asked is the sit or crouch at public restrooms question, which you could elaborate with sit on uncovered toilet seat vs covered toilet seat. Even typing that makes me think “Ewww” so you can guess where I stand (tee-hee yet again).

All of the questions have cultural significance, in my opinion. When my oldest niece was a child, for example, she had a ritual many people thought strange if she was spending the night somewhere other than home. She would hand-wash her underwear before bed. Odd, especially for a child, but her reason was simple. Her great-grandmother babysat her often after school, and being “old school” as she was taught my niece that if you wash your underwear every night, especially when you’re away from home, you’re pretty much guaranteed to have a clean pair in the morning. Good logic and my niece followed it for years. I can think of a reason/story behind all of my cleanliness rituals, including why I don’t follow the 5 second rule. So, which are you and why?

Check out the linked sites and don't say I never taught you anything. You know you didn't know what urine therapy was!

Quick Update

Okay so I just updated the blog by adding three posts from my old blog that I thought would be fitting to add here, all from 2008. I actually enjoyed reading all my old blog posts (I'm a narcissist, I guess), including the ones that didn't make the transition. It's funny to see, in the first post, how hopeful I was that the book would be published within 3 months of that time...yeah right! There were some gems like that and more throughout the blog, but my favorite post, by far, was "Mud Cookies" which really demanded my attention when I first read the article. As you can see by those posts, the blogs are similar, but this one will hopefully be more focused on news, both funny and sad, and just my thoughts along the way, which run the gamut from insightful to silly. I do hope you read!

I am attempting to be really dedicated to blogging this go-round, and blending the two blogs will hopefully help. I haven't actually deleted the old blog, so if you want to see the blog posts that didn't make it the link is here (I really love hyperlinking). I also finished up a humorous blog post for next Friday at noon and I think I will attempt to get the blogs written during the week and have the Friday 12pm post date and time every week so you can know when to expect a post, as opposed to whenever I remember it. If you like the blog or are interested in reading more please comment and or follow/subscribe to it. It will help keep me dedicated and motivated! Much luck and many blessings!

Seeing Sounds OR Inspiration of a Third Kind.

I recently purchased N*E*R*D's third album Seeing Sounds and the first track made me think about inspiration. The first track isn't a song, rather it's a sort of introduction to the album and to the concept behind the album. Pharrell, or at least I think it's him, explains how as a child in the 80s he often saw sounds of the life all around him. It was quite interesting to learn that about him, seeing as he went on to become the super-producer he now his. It made me think of how we are inspired in general and how I am inspired specifically. I thought it would make an interesting post.

A couple of examples of how relative inspiration is and where we find it are these: the case of the woman who wouldn't get her tumor removed and the Jesus/Mary sightings in the strangest places. Think of all the cases you've ever heard of someone seeing Jesus in a food item, a watermark, or some other inanimate object. The latest case that I've heard is this one, of Jesus's likeness being found by a British woman in the top of a jar of Marmite, a food item not really known to the common American. What I found interesting about this case is how the woman's husband planned to keep the jar top with the likeness though he is admittedly not very religious, stating that he likes "to think it's Jesus looking out for us," which is a sort of inspiration.

The second example, and this one may be more relative, is the woman who refused to have a benign brain tumor removed, which I can't find a link to. She kept the tumor because she said it made her dreams vivid and helped her art. This made sense to me on a basic level, though as it relates to health made me question the sanity of her decision...or perhaps her tumor has become sentient and is trying to ensure its own survival (bad place to put a pun I guess).

Anyway, that story and the Seeing Sounds intro made me think of what inspires me to write and what my equivalent is to seeing sounds. As a child I always loved words. I loved metaphors (and to a lesser extent, similes) before I even knew the term for them. I also loved "pretty" sentences and phrases, which I can only define as sentences/phrases that sounded right or flowed well somehow. Because I always read so much I've always "seen" words in my head when I am thinking of a sentence or when I listen to someone give a speech. Therefore I was always a good speller but I mispronounced words all the time. I still do in fact; today I said "Can-No" for canoe because I thought about its spelling.

Words have been so important to me. I associate words with colors; there are words that make me think of blue or gold. I love knowing what words languages have and don't have as they relate to other languages. I love hearing the perfect lyric in a song, poem, or rap and they each make me feel a different way. I love the way certain words sound in the mind's ear as well as when different people say them. I have recently written a story about my love of such things and it will be included in the book.

I apologize for this post, it's not the best, but I took a nap in the middle of it and lost my train of thought. I missed last week's post and I'll be on the road next Friday but I'm going to try to write my post on Word or something and just add it early Friday morning, God willing!