Better Late...

My week has been replete with ups and downs, I must admit. I have streamlined some things and confused still others. I've looked forward to my birthday and been scared ****less by it, for the first time.

The first amazing "up" of the week was that I found Björk's CD, Volta, at the Dollar Tree dollar store for (obviously) a dollar! One of my favorite songs of her newer works is "Dull Flame of Desire" and the song is from the Volta CD. They only had two copies and I bought both. I didn't even know the Dollar Tree sold CDs!

The second amazing "up" occurred the very next day. I was in Big Lots just looking around, talking to my sister on the phone and I look down and see the movie "Graffiti Bridge" for $3! Now I've talked about Prince on the blog before and I've seen the movie six million times but I never bought it before because I never saw it on DVD and I figured if I did it would be $15-$20, which goes against everything I stand for (ha-ha) but $3 was quite doable!

My sister is of course the person who shares the love of Prince (I'm sure hers exceeds my love for him even) but I could only find the one copy. She reminded me how I'd said I wanted it and how she'd said it wasn't so important to her a few months ago so I gratefully stopped looking (I was searching pretty desperately by this point) and bought my coveted copy. Now if I see Under the Cherry Moon on DVD somewhere for that sort of price it's on! Not to mention the Sign O the Times concert on DVD!

There were some lows but they never really matter if you can live past them. I realized over the last few days that even though I'm all over the place and scared of the future and sometimes regretful of the past (to a degree), I am quite at peace at present. I am feeling blessed looking at the year I just lived and hopeful looking at the year I'm about to conquer and that's a beautiful thing.

What's even better is that though I know there were some lows this week, they were vague when I started this post and forgotten once I wrote about my "ups" of the week. And I just can't ask for anything more.

Wonders Never Cease

The Henry Louis Gates Jr. scandal has been on my mind (and apparently everyone else's) this week but I'm saving that for next week's post. This week I want to talk about Michael Jackson one last time.

While going over various websites, reading the news that interests me as usual, I found a video clip of an awesome, legendary, and rare performance. I will set the stage for you. James Brown is performing a concert in 1983. In James Brown fashion he invites Michael Jackson, in the crowd (with the regular people, no less), to come up on stage and sing a bit. After doing what was asked of him, Michael whispers in James's ear (inaudibly to the audience and camera) and James brings out...Prince!!! In the "While I'm on the Subject" post I talk about the first albums my sister and I ever bought and how these Prince and MJ were major forces in our lives. Obviously I almost lost my mind when I viewed it for the first time (of many though, trust me).

Now, I'm not even going to add the details because I want you to watch the clip, but I was awed as I watched the events unfold. And I couldn't help but wonder "why am I seeing this for the first time?" I asked around and none of my friends or family remembering seeing anything like it either. But I am so pleased the video surfaced and I can't think of a better way to remember Michael and James. My sister would kill me for even imagining it, but when Prince passes, (because we all surely will) if I am still alive at that point and my memory is still strong, I will remember this video. It was the quintessential Michael, Prince, and James Brown performance and such a great display of who they were and appeared to be to us, their audience.

Each musician had different talents and were amazingly focused on the quality of their product. I remember hearing about how James Brown earned the title of "hardest working man in showbiz" and it was given to him in part because he could never maintain any weight during his concert tours. He had to eat A LOT during the day when he toured because he burned so many calories on stage that he would start becoming malnourished. Additionally, he would sweat so profusely during his performances that he would literally be dehydrated! It has become common knowledge that Prince recorded quadruple what is available and used various other names to contribute, in major ways, to other acts. And Michael had patents, PATENTS, for tricks he used in his shows in order to make them truly magical for the attendees.

Career-wise they were at different points in 1983. Michael was enjoying the fruits of his labor and was a crossover SUCCESS. He had released Thriller the year before. Prince was really still an upstart in a lot ways, though he had been performing for years. He had just become popular in the mainstream with 1982's 1999. And of course James Brown was a legend, but a star whose light was fading with the new generation.

Both Prince and Michael Jackson always cited JB as one of their main influence, musically and as an entertainer. It was beautiful to see him invite them on stage and share his limelight gracefully. It was also beautiful to see the respect and love, both obvious, they felt for him. It was a really uplifting video in all ways and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Should something go wrong with the embed, the link to the video is also here.

Changing My Story

At the moment I am going through the most painful part of the writing process: editing. I am trying to tweak my stories an extent that allows each story to reach its full potential and I'm having a very hard time of it. When you write something you get unbelievably attached to your story. For that reason I purposefully left my stories alone for months and years so I could have a level of detachment when it was time to edit. But many of my stories bring back memories when I read them and I find myself not wanting to change a thing though I remember how I stopped short on many of them simply because I was too lazy or didn't want to get too emotionally invested in some of them. Trying to fix and/or change them now is hurting! And so I procrastinate.

But I have only two weeks to finish edits and on the first of August I will be turning in the final version to be copyrighted. So I really can't keep procrastinating. A lot of things have changed about the book, from the title (it's last incarnation, hopefully) to some of the extras (I am seriously considering an introduction which I wasn't originally going to add) and I've really been attempting to get a collection of stories together that I really, really like. It's easy to start writing a story and love it but as the story takes shape it sometimes becomes something that has you on the fence. In addition, there are the times when it is simply emotionally draining to add any more to a story that hits close to home and I have confronted both of those issues.

I think too that I'm a bit scared. As the date for completion rears its ugly head I feel like nothing is ready. I want to throw everything I've written away and spend the next five years re-writing stories with full attention to detail. I know there are so many little issues that affect the way the stories will read when they are finished and I am not confident in my own abilities in some of those areas. It doesn't help that my two go-to editors are unavailable and I was really depending upon them for copy edits but I don't want to postpone the collection any longer.

So far I have a good idea of how the finished product will look. I am reconsidering the cover and I may go in a totally different direction from the original artwork I have for the cover. I want the artist to produce another painting if necessary, however, and I'm not sure how keen he is on that idea. I do know what stories will appear in this collection and I actually had to plan another collection of stories just to have an outlet for all of the stories I've written, many more than I thought I had.

Right now I'm just making finishing touches on the whole book as a concept and reworking the stories themselves. I spend my nights with my two highlighters, one for grammar and one for spelling, and I go through my stuff paragraph by paragraph. It's incredibly tedious but I want a collection I can be proud of. For that reason this week's blog is focused on my stuff; my attention has been on my own business and I really haven't paid much attention to the wider world. I will be happy when I can actually write about the various things that interest me in other arenas.

Check out the Lifestyle Simplicity blog tomorrow because there's a good post coming about poop. That's all I'm going to say in an effort to pique your interest in that blog (you can read it here). Also, there are some other news items about that whole movement that I will be announcing in the coming weeks. Mark your calenders because in two weeks on this blog I will be announcing that the final version has been sent to the copyright office, Insha'Allah. It's 4:30 AM and I need to do some edits so see ya next week or tomorrow on the other blog. Peace.

The Thing About Love

I was going to write about a totally different topic this week but I decided it was probably better to put it at the other blog, which you can read here. Looking at my life as it stands today, the lives of those around me, and recent events - most notably the passing away and memorial service of Michael Jackson - in the media, I decided I should write about love this week. And honestly I write about love constantly; when you write stories you often realize that love is generally the most-requested and most-considered topic of fiction, memoirs, or whatever. The runner up is overcoming obstacles and the Pulitzer Prize winners usually mix the two. As I wrote about hate not too long ago it seemed like love was overdue.

You live and learn, but then you live some more and if you're lucky those lessons continue to change, shift, and evolve as you undergo the same process. If love meant the same to me now as it did when I was seventeen, seven, or seven months, something would be wrong. But as love evolves you go back to some of those earliest lessons. When you realize that love and passion are two totally different ideas you have reached a milestone during your teen-aged years (usually). When you realize that you won't necessarily love the person you love today ten years from now, and you may not even know them, you have grown again. When you realize that loving is often even better than being loved, you have reached yet another level of growth. For the sake of the conversation, I will add that realizing that how you understand love is a measure of your maturity is another sign of maturity (tee-hee).

Love conquers all. In high school I made a t-shirt of that phrase with a single red rose for graphic arts because I didn't feel like doing anything that took real time and/or talent. I wore around the house for over a decade until the words had been all but completely washed away. And yet when people saw the haphazard bits of letters here and there they always filled in the blanks and got the answer. Now my logical mind knows of this ability of the brain to fill in blanks as necessary, but my emotional self knows that people saw those words because they knew the phrase and trusted it. And that is why love indeed conquers all.

We trust love. Obsess over it. Wish for it, dream of it, misdiagnose it, and love to have it. We miss it when it's gone and wonder if it's all it's cracked up to be when we're in. Books, movies, music, any medium of art? All for love. Weight loss, plastic surgery, abortions, fertility treatments, therapy sessions, Shakespeare in the Park? All about love. We love because it is necessary, beautiful, and the only thing that makes life have meaning. Can you imagine living without thinking that someone had loved you at some point and/or that you had loved anyone? And not just romantic love. The love of family sustains us. The love of friends supports us. Our pets rubbing our legs reassures us. We need love to survive.

But love takes work. Love is work. From making sure to call on birthdays to overlooking flaws in order to see the bigger picture, we have to feed love. Just like hate, its brother, love requires something. And we give it, give to it, and give of it, because we want to get a little in return. Love is the ultimate "scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" scenario. Nothing is worse than loving someone you doesn't notice you (not even being hated by that person). Nothing is worse than someone who tells you they love you but who never shows it. Nothing is worse than giving up on love all together.

So, this is what I ask of you. Love heartily. Love with patience. Love kindly. Love in a way that shows the person you aspire to be. Love like you've never loved before. Hugh tighter, kiss more, but do the things that you only expect from people who love you. Reach for things your loved one is struggling to get. Open doors you know they need opened. Lift them up when they have fallen down. Love and care are opposite sides of the same coin so give equal amounts of both in all you do. And you will be rewarded in equal measure by the ones you love the most. And if that doesn't happen, find the one who will, because they are out there. I love you!

Declare Independence

Today I am declaring independence. Initially I considered shouting this battle-cry on my 27th birthday, less than a month away. I changed my mind when I considered just what Independence Day means. Of course we know what the day means historically but how often do we really think about what today means? Here are my conclusions and the big announcement. As an aside, I am extremely tired, it is now after 4:00 am and I have been staring at the computer for hours so I am not doing an edit today (not that I normally do).

Today marks the day when a people made it official that they were not going to be influenced, much less dictated to by another group that did not share their ideals. Can you imagine it? Seeing the ocean that separates you from those who direct your movements, though they really have no interest in your life's goals and desires? Feeling so trapped though you the illusion of freedom is all around you? Knowing just how close you are to true liberty but being constantly aware that it is just out of reach?

I have felt this way for the majority of my life, unfortunately. There have been different reasons at different times but the bottom-line reasons why I have felt this way are materialism and consumerism. I have combatted this feeling in a variety of ways over the course of my life, from changing polictial parties to religions as an adult and you-don't-want-to-know as a teenager. When I think about it, most of the problems with relationships stem from issues stemming from one of those two -isms. Examples? Think of why children were teased in school prior to mandatory uniforms. Think of why so many people are in debt up to their ears. Why the banks failed? Why we are in a recession? The greed of stockholders, real estate agents, loan officers, etc. and the desire to attain of the "common" man.

Yes we are all consumers. We all consume air, water, and so many things we take for granted. But, like anything else we can become addicted to shopping, buying, and acquiring. And it's not natural. It's entirely new and entirely foreign to us, the trailblazers of greed. We have a constant stream of advertisements shoved in our faces and down our throats, and the things we eat and use are designed to keep us addicted (especially our food, but more on that whole subject later). We have become the uber-consumers but it has been gradual. We have to change back even quicker: before it's too late.

I want to rid myself of this addiction. And I want to help other people conquer it. So, I've created a few things to start the process along. I am working on a website www.lifestylesimplicity.info, which will hopefully help someone, even if it only helps me. In the same spirit of biting off more than one can chew that follows me wherever I go, I have committed myself to a plethora of work; typing, editing, reviewing, reading, etc. and I am adding to it. I will attempt weaving (for fabrics and as a quicker way to knit), I will complete the knitting series on Youtube, I will tweak recipes I have in my head and write them down. I will share the knowledge I have acquired over the years and seek it from others in order to learn how to live a more simple life.

I am so blessed to have a solid network of people who are already rejecting the popular way and going in the opposite direction. I myself have done a bit as well and I hoping that this group will become a community that grows and spreads its message to even more. The funny thing is, the simple life is much more fun and much less stressful than the work, buy, pay cycle many of our lives have become. What's the point of accruing if you can't enjoy?

In addition to the website I am launching another blog, designed to be a companion to that site and a way to ensure that this blog isn't overrun by topics more geared towards that sort of thing. That blog is www.lifestylesimplicity.blogspot.com so you can go there if you're interested in seeing what's planned. The website is taking shape nicely though I am still developing it but it is actually available right now.

Lastly, last month one of my cousins made me two beautiful pairs of earrings. She inspired me to try my hand at jewelry-making (though not earrings as I don't want to compete) and I have several necklaces and bracelets done at this point. I am considering selling those of the new website as a way to pay for hosting and whatnot. BE SURE TO TYPE www.lifestylesimplicity.INFO because .com was taken so that one has nothing to do with me.

Oh, yeah, I have also updated my website (www.missmaria.info) and added links from there to here and to my Yahoo group, recently launched. So you can check that out too. Peace!

While I'm on the Subject

Last week I was very upset over the unexpected death of Michael Jackson. I will always remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I first read the headline, that I actually thought was a hoax initially. I've only felt that feeling once before, when I was first told about my best friend's death a decade ago. Then too I thought it was some sort of very cruel joke. Because of my emotions, and the silly girl who made the negative remarks, my last post was a lot less about Michael Jackson and a lot more about people in general. I hope to amend that with this post. We all turn tragedy into stories about ourselves and here are some randoms about me and the impact MJ had on my own life. I am still working on an unveil for later this week *rubs hands together* and you'll see on Independence Day why I've been all over the place for the last two or so posts.

My mother always took me and my sister to various stores when we were young and allowed us to purchase things with a budget she gave us. It taught us how to manage money and the costs of the things we took for granted while allowing us to develop our tastes in different things and ensuring we wouldn't just buy a crappy doll that would break in two minutes from the dollar store. The first record I ever bought was the "Thriller" album. We were each allowed to buy an album but we chose things we would both love so my sister's choice was "Around the World in a Day" by Prince. I was born in 1982, which is when the album came out, so it was at the used record store and I was super-excited to get it. My sister and I alternated between that album and the Prince album and to this day those records go hand-in-hand in my head, though they were released three years apart from one another. Each record had a song I was scared to death of, "Thriller" had the song "Thriller", and "Around the World..." had "Temptation". The video for "Thriller" shook me up pretty bad too.

I loved Barbie dolls as a child, and I had the MJ Barbie doll. I recently saw a picture of a fan at his Gary, Indiana childhood home holding the same doll. I still have the doll, though it wasn't nearly as hardy as my other dolls and therefore his legs are cut off at the knees. His pants, microphone, shoes, and glove are gone too (victims of a childhood move from one state to another ten hours away). He still has his red jacket with gold detailing, however! Aside from him my Flo Jo Barbie doll is the only other doll based on a public figure I have. She still has her original one-legged tracksuit and alternating-colors nail polish but for some reason when I was about six I took an emery board to her eyebrows and then tried to draw them back with a Sharpie. She's looked like a (stylish) drag queen ever since.

When I was an adolescent we didn't have cable. It was one of the luxuries lost when my mother became a single mother, simply because she never watched TV and didn't think cable was necessary. As a result, I watched music videos, Def Comedy Jam, and the rest at my best friend's house. When we were about 12-13 my best friend got in a crapload of trouble for ordering two videos nonstop for weeks on the now-defunct pay-per-view music video channel The Box (known as The Jukebox years prior). The two songs we kept watching? Her favorite "Funkdafied" by Da Brat and my favorite was "Scream" by Michael and Janet Jackson. We thought the trouble she got into quite worth it but we did learn to just record videos we liked after that.

From that "HIStory" album which included "Scream" came "They Don't Care About Us" and "Come Together", two songs I truly loved. I did not know at that time that "Come Together" was a Beatles song and one of the infamous masters that MJ outbid Paul McCartney for. I still think MJ's version is one of the best (check out Ike & Tina Turner's version too though). I had a boyfriend at that time who played the album constantly and the album, and my favorite songs, always make me think of that particular guy.

When Princess Diana died I remember a lot of her interviews being played and pictures of her various humanitarian works being shown. A funny story I remember hearing at that time was the story about how much she loved the song "Dirty Diana" and how when she attended a concert by MJ and she was informed the song would was taken off of the list in order to pay her respects, she asked MJ personally to perform the song. That blew my mind at the time somehow.

His "Invincible" album was such a mature and relevant album that I think it went under the radar for that reason. It was mellow and R&B instead of being the Pop extravaganza he was known for. I absolutely loved that album and listen to it even now. It was so unfortunate that it became his last album but when I think about it, he went back to his roots in many ways by making an album that appealed to his original audience, some of whom he'd alienated over the years. It went double-platinum and was therefore considered a flop compared to his other albums but I think that showed that he went back to his base, they bought it, and they liked it.

His televised concert special that aired around the time of the release of "Invincible" was really great. While I believe he lip-synced through all of it except the ad-libs I found it to be exhilarating to watch! It was so great to see him performing and to see the people who outright loved him. I didn't care about the first half, though I liked the idea of those performers paying homage (and Marc Anthony tore it up). Seeing the Jacksons and then Michael himself perform just blew my mind. To this day I clap when I watch that special. I had really hoped his London concert would be televised so I could catch that too, but when I look back on it, seeing him perform with his brothers and his solo performance on that special was probably the best. His brothers weren't going to perform in London and that would have made it a little less special.

All of these disjointed stories have a larger meaning to me. Michael Jackson was always in the fiber of my life, like he was in the lives of so many. I took him for granted because I always expected him to be there in some way, forever. During the BET awards show Janet Jackson said that Michael was an icon to us but a member of their family (and in that sense, human). While I understand her intent I disagree with her. MJ was probably the only star many of us felt that connected to and was therefore, quite human to us. He pushed so hard the idea of a global family too that he was a brother to many people other

The Thing about Hate

Today I am really tired after being up all night struggling with a death that was so unexpected. Yesterday was a day that I thought I would start anew. I have been going through a lot emotionally and struggling to keep my focus trained on what it needs to stay directed towards and the day before yesterday I just said enough. So I planned a movie excursion for yesterday, in the morning, and figured I would just start taking care of myself in that way. After the movie I bought a few items of clothing and had lunch with my sister: a good day. Once I got home and checked email and whatnot I found the TMZ report that Michael was dead and it shocked me so much I was dizzy. It took hours for the major news outlets to report that he was dead; though they made it clear he was going to die. But I know you know all this.

After the “is he or isn’t he” debate that lasted those hours and the subsequent time spent trying to figure out if he died when TMZ said he was dead of after being in a coma like other outlets said I settled down to watch the coverage and try to come to grips with it – and to be honest it still hasn’t sunk it. Anyway, I was struck by the negative tone. So much was discussed about the charges and cases against him but not nearly as much about his musical and humanitarian/charitable legacy, the two things that stand out in mind about him. There was so much gossip, innuendo, conjecture, and speculation with very little fact additionally.

That hurt pretty bad, but later that night after a dance-off to various songs by him and the Jackson 5, my sister had the thought to log into Facebook and check out what “real people” had to say….and it went downhill from there. One of my cousins, like many other people on FB, put his mini-eulogy as a post to his wall and some female made the most hateful and unexpected comment. He responded and the two of them had a back-and-forth that took about ten or eleven comments to that point. My sister added her own comments to the fray and the woman responded and so forth. And that woman’s hate-filled diatribe made me think about hate.

Her first post stated he wasn’t going to heaven and his “character was horrible” and it struck me that hate always makes you cast the first stone, judge without remembering that you are opening yourself up to the same sort of judgment, and pushing your opinions on others. She also spoke of how awful it was that he was getting the attention Farrah Fawcett deserved as she had been an “angel” in life and deserved the praise.

Another thing about hate is that it will camouflage itself and convince even you that is something else entirely, and hate is often used to pretend like there is love for someone else. Another good example of that sort of hate is Ann Coulter claiming the doctor who was shot and killed was not murdered but “terminated” which disgusted me when I heard it, but didn’t shock me coming from her hateful mouth.

Though the woman initially said she disliked him so strongly because of the child molestation charges, she made several hateful comments which included whether his autopsy would say black or white and male or female. She continually attacked his race and never really said anything direct about the charges. I wondered then how many –isms and phobias she expressed with the black/white male/female comments and it made me think of another thing about hate. Hate is so often based on fear. Fear of what you don’t know, don’t understand, find strange, and makes you uncomfortable. Hate is birthed and nurtured in a fearful atmosphere.

She compared him, in a matter of minutes, to OJ Simpson and Saddam Hussein. No surprise with the first one, I’ve heard that many, many times, but the second one was a shock. I realized then, however, that hate blinds you to your common sense, makes you see patterns where none exist, and simply feeds itself by finding something else to drain more hate from. She used those names in order to illicit some extra support from someone and she was probably shocked when no one took the bait.

But when I looked at the whole situation, I ended up being mad at myself for taking the bait she originally dangled in front of my face. She brought up the First Amendment and the fact that she has black friends as reasons why she could say whatever she wanted and why her words couldn’t be mistaken for racism. Of course, racists holler the “I know black people” line as much as people who use words to spew hate and incite violence hide behind the Amendment and make a mockery of a right created in order to allow everyone to voice their opinion, not abuse it.

I also found it interesting that just days after Perez Hilton got punched for his hateful words (and went on crying and still saying the same hateful stuff, staying true to himself, I guess) that people would still claim ignorance that words HURT and can escalate a situation, incite violence, and any number of negative things. Unfortunately, nobody seems to have learned that lesson.

One way that I knew I was mature was when I learned when not to speak a word. Of course I was a really quiet child but as a teen I was under the misguided belief that people gave a crap about my convictions and opinions. And while I still have both convictions and opinions on damn near everything (as my one of two readers – and I flatter myself – undoubtedly know) but I realize most of the time no one cares to hear any of them so I keep them to myself.

At the end of the day, hate can never win. Like a Ponzi scheme it requires something. Like a fire it needs at least two things to feed it. Hate is so easy to extinguish. Perhaps later than we should have, my sister and I decided to let her continue talking without the benefit of someone actually listening. We gave her that present in the spirit of Michael Jackson and the sort of person he appeared to be in my, however and openly, biased opinion.

The thing about Michael Jackson, to me, was that he showed that a very flawed person can still make a positive impact on the world at large. I remember how corny but beautiful We are the World, Black or White, and Heal the World were. I remember that environmentalism wasn’t cool when he made Heal and Earth Song. I remember how deeply Man in the Mirror touched my spirit and how his songs could heal and invigorate. I also remember his humanitarian and charitable works. I remember how much he donated and did for children all across the world. I remember that he tried. When I think of Michael Jackson, these things will overshadow the negative, and I hope one day the same will be done for me. RIP.

Mixtape Madness Vol I

I’ve been listening to a lot of mixtapes lately, more than usual because I’ve come back to rap to an extent after leaving it alone with the exception of a small few. When I listened heavily to rap, mixtapes represented the best of the rap world. The quality was often up in the air and sometimes songs were obviously unfinished but some of the most vicious raps were found on mixtapes. They were also much more economical, being cheaper than studio albums, but the downside was some mixtapes were hard or impossible to find and you had to be able to get to the mixtape spot, which was often hard if you lived outside of the city and musical tastes that differed from the majority of the buyers in the area.

Having not listened to rap in so long, and definitely not listening to mixtapes, I’d forgotten about the ongoing argument about underground rappers. First, what makes a rapper “underground?” To me, an underground rapper is a rapper with no studio albums who makes music and releases it via mixtape exclusively. Some people would say someone who doesn’t sell well but has a good fan base. Others would say an artist with little or no airplay. Perhaps others would say that underground rappers are those with more mixtapes than studio albums. Of course, artists like Lil Wayne would automatically be considered underground by that definition.

Some rappers have albums that just don’t stand up to their mixtapes. Kanye West is a great example of this to me. His second album is almost un-listenable in my opinion. His last album I never bought because I just didn’t hear anything that made me want to own it. And yet I’m a HUGE Kanye West fan, because I have some great music by him from mixtapes. People sometimes think of grimier rappers as those who use mixtapes, but Kanye is a great example of a rapper who doesn’t fit the mixtape mold. Additionally, his abilities as a producer meant/means that he never had to compromise quality or recycle beats in order to release his mixtapes. The original version of “Home” with John Legend will always be 200% times better than the one with Chris Martin, even though I love Coldplay. And the mixtape version “Hey Mama” sounds so much more polished than the studio version.

Some other “mainstream” rappers with really good mixtape stuff, in my opinion, are Lupe Fiasco, Clipse, and Fabolous. I could actually make a much longer list, and perhaps I will, but I wanted to make sure I added the top three underrated mainstream rappers/groups with great mixtape stuff. Fab is such a great lyricist and when I first heard him on a mixtape I sincerely thought – and said – that he was the next Jay-Z. I’m still shocked he never reached that goal, but his studio stuff has been too pop, when he is a much grittier rapper!

I apologize for this post. I was working on another topic but time flew by and it still wasn’t ready so I had to type up something and I wanted to use this as a segue for a later music post. So stay tuned for that one, I’m going somewhere with this one. It’s also 3:33 am as I type this and I’m exhausted so I need to finish it and schedule it for later today. Remember this mixtape conversation, though (really!). I’m sticking to my guns and writing even in the middle of the night!

Update!

So I’ve been pretty good at finishing and posting blog entries lately but I know without proper direction I will eventually veer off. It has been interesting that the blog has been on my mind – and therefore more likely to be written – than stories for the collection, but when I thought about it I could understand why that is the case. In an effort to ensure that I continue to write entries, and post them, for the blog I am taking it in a new direction: simply, more focused.

The blog will continue with the Friday posts for the main “meat” of the whole concept. Friday posts will be the posts that I rant and make observations about news items and whatnot. I am going to play with a new idea, pretty much based on what I already wrote about and the sort of stuff I’m interested in. The Malcolm Shabazz post, the music review post, the “mud cookies” post (infamous in my own mind), and the “Seeing Sounds” post all represent the sorts of things I read/think/rant about. I figured I’d keep with that tradition and write about music, WTF news, inspiration/ inspirational issues, and religion/race matters. Each month there is enough news or interesting topics for any one of those topics.

For months with five Fridays, such as next month, I will write an extra “MissMaria’s bonus rant” or something to that effect which will cover anything I wanted to discuss but couldn’t easily categorize above or perhaps just had too many options for one category and decided to choose another one initially. That should give me incentive to write about different topics as I see fit and just squeeze them in when I can.

Finally, every other Wednesday (such as this one) there will be shorter posts to keep you updated on me/my life/the book(s)/my writing/etc and will include any information and/or updates about the blog. I hope this will provide a way to cover all my bases. I hope this too will be incentive for me to make sure I am doing something with my writing each week as I am a pretty private person as it relates to my personal life!

So, God willing, there will be weekly posts on Fridays and every other week on Wednesdays (I would say biweekly but I can’t remember if that is to mean once every two weeks or twice per week and the dictionary isn’t really helping on the point and “fortnightly” sounds too Shakespearian). All posts should be up at around noon to 1:00 pm. It will definitely be noon EST once I make sure of the time zone this site uses. I will hopefully find catchy names/titles for each category.

As an example of a given month, this month I have already done my WTF and inspiration posts. I have music and race matters to discuss. This Friday I will probably discuss music as I have some things on my mind about the topic. I will not have scheduled weeks for various topics. You will just have to visit and see what topic I choose to discuss that week! Hopefully this will give you incentive to come back every week!

Gotta Go, Gotta Go!

Be honest, have you ever peed in the shower? A couple of weeks ago I read this article about how dirty American women are and what is acceptable (and what’s not). One of the most common things, with 75% of women surveyed admitting to the act, was peeing in the shower and the authors of the article literally beg readers to take a whiz in the shower as often as possible, citing the amount of water it takes to flush a toilet and the harmless nature of urine as reasons why readers should. Additionally, the article briefly discusses urine therapy, the idea that urine can help many skin issues. I remember watching a program like Good Morning America years ago in which a professional talks about the wonders of washing ones face with the “first urine of the day” which frankly disgusted me, though I knew then that urine is basically sterile.

But, to answer the question I asked of you, I most definitely pee in the shower. I’m not the sort of person who would pee in the pool but I have always peed in the shower. I think psychologically a few things occur; the water makes me feel like I have to go, peeing standing up is liberating as a woman, and it’s an interesting feeling perceptually. I am a huge fan of sharing showers with a spouse/partner because of the non-sexual intimacy, the water preservation, and the utility of having someone on back-washing duty but I have found that not everyone shares my love of the shower-shower (did you get that one?). One of my exes was so against the idea that I would stand there uncomfortably, trying to wash quickly in order to use the bathroom. The first BF I took showers with however was all for the usefulness of such an idea, and was relieved (tee-hee) that I did the same. Common courtesy requires you announce your attentions, move to the front of the shower if you are in the back, and make sure you hit the ground and not your partner (though this rule is more for the men).

Some of the other questions asked were “do you take daily showers,” “do you wash your hands after using the bathroom every time,” “do you wear dirty clothes over again,” and “do you brush your teeth daily?” It was interesting to see the percentages of responses either way and to test my own upbringing and therefore my own practices with those. Another good question that was not asked is the sit or crouch at public restrooms question, which you could elaborate with sit on uncovered toilet seat vs covered toilet seat. Even typing that makes me think “Ewww” so you can guess where I stand (tee-hee yet again).

All of the questions have cultural significance, in my opinion. When my oldest niece was a child, for example, she had a ritual many people thought strange if she was spending the night somewhere other than home. She would hand-wash her underwear before bed. Odd, especially for a child, but her reason was simple. Her great-grandmother babysat her often after school, and being “old school” as she was taught my niece that if you wash your underwear every night, especially when you’re away from home, you’re pretty much guaranteed to have a clean pair in the morning. Good logic and my niece followed it for years. I can think of a reason/story behind all of my cleanliness rituals, including why I don’t follow the 5 second rule. So, which are you and why?

Check out the linked sites and don't say I never taught you anything. You know you didn't know what urine therapy was!

Quick Update

Okay so I just updated the blog by adding three posts from my old blog that I thought would be fitting to add here, all from 2008. I actually enjoyed reading all my old blog posts (I'm a narcissist, I guess), including the ones that didn't make the transition. It's funny to see, in the first post, how hopeful I was that the book would be published within 3 months of that time...yeah right! There were some gems like that and more throughout the blog, but my favorite post, by far, was "Mud Cookies" which really demanded my attention when I first read the article. As you can see by those posts, the blogs are similar, but this one will hopefully be more focused on news, both funny and sad, and just my thoughts along the way, which run the gamut from insightful to silly. I do hope you read!

I am attempting to be really dedicated to blogging this go-round, and blending the two blogs will hopefully help. I haven't actually deleted the old blog, so if you want to see the blog posts that didn't make it the link is here (I really love hyperlinking). I also finished up a humorous blog post for next Friday at noon and I think I will attempt to get the blogs written during the week and have the Friday 12pm post date and time every week so you can know when to expect a post, as opposed to whenever I remember it. If you like the blog or are interested in reading more please comment and or follow/subscribe to it. It will help keep me dedicated and motivated! Much luck and many blessings!

Seeing Sounds OR Inspiration of a Third Kind.

I recently purchased N*E*R*D's third album Seeing Sounds and the first track made me think about inspiration. The first track isn't a song, rather it's a sort of introduction to the album and to the concept behind the album. Pharrell, or at least I think it's him, explains how as a child in the 80s he often saw sounds of the life all around him. It was quite interesting to learn that about him, seeing as he went on to become the super-producer he now his. It made me think of how we are inspired in general and how I am inspired specifically. I thought it would make an interesting post.

A couple of examples of how relative inspiration is and where we find it are these: the case of the woman who wouldn't get her tumor removed and the Jesus/Mary sightings in the strangest places. Think of all the cases you've ever heard of someone seeing Jesus in a food item, a watermark, or some other inanimate object. The latest case that I've heard is this one, of Jesus's likeness being found by a British woman in the top of a jar of Marmite, a food item not really known to the common American. What I found interesting about this case is how the woman's husband planned to keep the jar top with the likeness though he is admittedly not very religious, stating that he likes "to think it's Jesus looking out for us," which is a sort of inspiration.

The second example, and this one may be more relative, is the woman who refused to have a benign brain tumor removed, which I can't find a link to. She kept the tumor because she said it made her dreams vivid and helped her art. This made sense to me on a basic level, though as it relates to health made me question the sanity of her decision...or perhaps her tumor has become sentient and is trying to ensure its own survival (bad place to put a pun I guess).

Anyway, that story and the Seeing Sounds intro made me think of what inspires me to write and what my equivalent is to seeing sounds. As a child I always loved words. I loved metaphors (and to a lesser extent, similes) before I even knew the term for them. I also loved "pretty" sentences and phrases, which I can only define as sentences/phrases that sounded right or flowed well somehow. Because I always read so much I've always "seen" words in my head when I am thinking of a sentence or when I listen to someone give a speech. Therefore I was always a good speller but I mispronounced words all the time. I still do in fact; today I said "Can-No" for canoe because I thought about its spelling.

Words have been so important to me. I associate words with colors; there are words that make me think of blue or gold. I love knowing what words languages have and don't have as they relate to other languages. I love hearing the perfect lyric in a song, poem, or rap and they each make me feel a different way. I love the way certain words sound in the mind's ear as well as when different people say them. I have recently written a story about my love of such things and it will be included in the book.

I apologize for this post, it's not the best, but I took a nap in the middle of it and lost my train of thought. I missed last week's post and I'll be on the road next Friday but I'm going to try to write my post on Word or something and just add it early Friday morning, God willing!

Forgiving a Stranger

Choosing an inaugural blog post has been a concept so scary that I have postponed it for months now. What is the best topic to use as a springboard to introduce myself, and hopefully, my writing, to the “masses” (it’s relative)? A few days ago I found a topic that hit me so hard I knew it was the one. After procrastinating for emotional reasons as well as simply because I procrastinate, I sat down at 3:00 am on Friday morning to explore this topic. I should add here that I am shooting for a Friday post every week. Fridays are good for me for a variety of reasons, which may be clear later. On to the topic at hand for now.

I don’t know if any of you reading this remember over a decade ago when Betty Shabazz, wife of Malcolm X/ Al Hajj Malik Shabazz, was killed by her grandson, who set fire to her home. At the time he was an adolescent. I remember that news report well and I was stunned and hurt by the report. Well, several days ago I read a post here, about the grandson in question, Malcolm Shabazz, and his story. Now 23, the man has been in prison for years and is now attempting to get his life and order and claim his heritage and legacy. I tried to read the whole article but I was shaking and in tears I was so emotional. I could not finish it then and have yet to read the article line for line as I just get so upset.

I am a Muslim at this point in my life, but way back then I was not. I still felt an incredible connection to all of the Black leaders of history, in particular Malcolm X as many young people did then as they have for decades, but for my generation because of the Spike Lee directed film X, based on the book The Autobiography of Malcolm X written with Alex Haley. I had known Muslim people all my life, from family members to my first best friend and several friends along the way but I, like many others, felt a major sense of pride as it related to the Nation of Islam because they were The Black Muslims, and their radical ideas benefited all American Blacks, or intended to. The politics surrounding Al Hajj’s death notwithstanding and the information that has come out in recent years as it relates to his assassination I still love the Nation, though I am not that sort of Muslim.

I digress. Malcolm X stood for so many things and Betty stood for survival. The photograph of her and those little daughters lined up in a row after his death are the Black American equivalent to Jackie Kennedy and her little son and daughter in that classic picture after the Kennedy assassination. Betty was as much my grandmother, in my mind, as she was her killer’s and I felt then that he took away someone whose importance was invaluable to Black society and I was pissed. I was a teenager then, so it was allowed however.

I consider myself to now be a woman who understands a lot about the world in which I live. I have the sociology and psychology courses behind me that play a major part in how I understand and relate to people. I know the mental issues people overall face, the issues Black people face, and the issues Black Americans face. I know these issues are real. So why is it so hard for me to forgive this stranger even now? I am saddened by my own immaturity in the intensity of my feelings towards this man I have never met who I could probably assess correctly given proper time and create a truthful case study based on his life and issues. Yet I seem incapable of providing the objective view necessary to even read an article about the man. Seeing his picture, with the classic Malcolm X pose, that accompanied the article made my blood boil. His name made my blood boil. That he should feel as if he has a legacy to claim makes me want to scream: He took his legacy away from us as a collective; he has none!

And yet. And yet I am interested, extremely so, in what he has to say. I want to understand, to forgive, and to be able to support him in his quest. He was so young when he committed that heinous act and I know he could not be held truly responsible for it. The activist in me wants to shout for him, to let the world learn what we do to the families that we hold up in love, adoration, but with a microscope, so that we understand that we have a responsibility to protect them too and we learn to do so. I hope I can get to that point.

I will try to read the article for the fifth time later this weekend but I am not looking forward to it. I intended for this post to be much deeper, more interesting, grammatically correct, and easier to read than it’s shaping up to be but after thinking even this much about the situation I have exhausted myself. I do not plan to write about this again, unless in a short, update sort of way, but I am happy I took the first step; I have spoken about it, identified that I am the problem (I really have, even this post seems to suggest otherwise), and I have continually prayed about it and I will continue to do so.

I'm adding the link again here just to ensure people can get to it. I ranted on the "comments" section, so you can read my initial reaction as well.

http://newsone.blackplanet.com/nation/malcolm-x-grandson-breaks-silence/