The Thing About Love

I was going to write about a totally different topic this week but I decided it was probably better to put it at the other blog, which you can read here. Looking at my life as it stands today, the lives of those around me, and recent events - most notably the passing away and memorial service of Michael Jackson - in the media, I decided I should write about love this week. And honestly I write about love constantly; when you write stories you often realize that love is generally the most-requested and most-considered topic of fiction, memoirs, or whatever. The runner up is overcoming obstacles and the Pulitzer Prize winners usually mix the two. As I wrote about hate not too long ago it seemed like love was overdue.

You live and learn, but then you live some more and if you're lucky those lessons continue to change, shift, and evolve as you undergo the same process. If love meant the same to me now as it did when I was seventeen, seven, or seven months, something would be wrong. But as love evolves you go back to some of those earliest lessons. When you realize that love and passion are two totally different ideas you have reached a milestone during your teen-aged years (usually). When you realize that you won't necessarily love the person you love today ten years from now, and you may not even know them, you have grown again. When you realize that loving is often even better than being loved, you have reached yet another level of growth. For the sake of the conversation, I will add that realizing that how you understand love is a measure of your maturity is another sign of maturity (tee-hee).

Love conquers all. In high school I made a t-shirt of that phrase with a single red rose for graphic arts because I didn't feel like doing anything that took real time and/or talent. I wore around the house for over a decade until the words had been all but completely washed away. And yet when people saw the haphazard bits of letters here and there they always filled in the blanks and got the answer. Now my logical mind knows of this ability of the brain to fill in blanks as necessary, but my emotional self knows that people saw those words because they knew the phrase and trusted it. And that is why love indeed conquers all.

We trust love. Obsess over it. Wish for it, dream of it, misdiagnose it, and love to have it. We miss it when it's gone and wonder if it's all it's cracked up to be when we're in. Books, movies, music, any medium of art? All for love. Weight loss, plastic surgery, abortions, fertility treatments, therapy sessions, Shakespeare in the Park? All about love. We love because it is necessary, beautiful, and the only thing that makes life have meaning. Can you imagine living without thinking that someone had loved you at some point and/or that you had loved anyone? And not just romantic love. The love of family sustains us. The love of friends supports us. Our pets rubbing our legs reassures us. We need love to survive.

But love takes work. Love is work. From making sure to call on birthdays to overlooking flaws in order to see the bigger picture, we have to feed love. Just like hate, its brother, love requires something. And we give it, give to it, and give of it, because we want to get a little in return. Love is the ultimate "scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" scenario. Nothing is worse than loving someone you doesn't notice you (not even being hated by that person). Nothing is worse than someone who tells you they love you but who never shows it. Nothing is worse than giving up on love all together.

So, this is what I ask of you. Love heartily. Love with patience. Love kindly. Love in a way that shows the person you aspire to be. Love like you've never loved before. Hugh tighter, kiss more, but do the things that you only expect from people who love you. Reach for things your loved one is struggling to get. Open doors you know they need opened. Lift them up when they have fallen down. Love and care are opposite sides of the same coin so give equal amounts of both in all you do. And you will be rewarded in equal measure by the ones you love the most. And if that doesn't happen, find the one who will, because they are out there. I love you!